Moving On...

Today is P3's birthday and just wanna say Happy Birthday to you wherever you might be right now... Wow.. I can't believe it's been years since I go gaga over him nyhahaha.. Well, before I used to text or send him messages especially on his special day, I would never miss that chance. But, I guess everything has an end... I've tried to forget him for eight years! Imagine that... Well, I am happy for what he'd become now and I'm happy that I was really over him... Yet, I never expected someone would replace him. Replace the same kind of feeling that I've felt for P3. And I am now afraid that it would took me another six years again to finally get over with this person... My heart's been bleeding for months but just last Sunday, I've made a promise to myself that I would really really try to forget him... slowly... until I would finally and fully be able to get over him. As I was reading Tuesdays with Morrie, I've read about detaching yourself from a certain emotion. To learn how to detach yourself, you have to let the experience penetrate you, penetrate you fully and that's how you will be able to leave it.

Here's some of the line from the book that I liked and I have applied in my life. (char!)
I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let the tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don't say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.

Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help you. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself. "All right it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is."

Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, "All right that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."

...and so I let my tears flow and feel the pain... And I think I've been able to detach myself from the feeling after trying to do so... I am glad to have read about that book but for now I think, I still can't continue reading it. Well, the author and the narrator of the book's name was similar to well, you now who. And I always remember him when I read his name on that book... So, I think I'll just continue to read it when I'm really really over him...

I've realized I've wasted my time and effort on someone who was just fooling around and doesn't really want me. As what Brother Bo said 'When someone doesn't like you just walk off and go on your merry way. Life is too beautiful to be sad at one person's rejection.' Lately, I've realized a lot of things... I don't know what words will best describe how I was acting lately. I know It was really foolish and childish thing to do... but that was over now... I want to move on now... I am not convincing anyone, I still have to convince myself first... and i was happy I was able to delete his text messages and mobile number and mind you, I don't memorize it (coz it is new) so there will be no chance that I would ever contact him again. I was able to delete him on my Friendster's friend's list, deleted him on my Yahoo Messenger and blocked him on Google chat and mail. So there it is, finally, I've been able to delete it all but it took a lot of courage deep within me to be able to do all of those things, but I know, deep within me that I have do it now or else I would still be living under his shadows and would never ever forget him. Hhhhmmm... I don't know who really is the 'One' meant for me... But for now, I would just let time do it's work... hehehe... I know you're fed up with my drama these days but can't help it eh... For now, I have to MOVE ON and go on with my Life...